I'm 29 years old not 12-15 years old.

Around my house my mom treats me so much like I'm not adult. I get so tired of it. Most of the time I am required to do things I don't want to go places I don't want to go like if I wasn't adult. I don't get to make my own decisions. I don't have my own brain. I have to do what I'm told to do. Yes, I still live at home with my parents, but I still think there are some situations where should be able to make my own decisions. I struggle with whether I'm a real adult or I'm a child most days, because of the way I'm treated. It's hard.

Medical Stuff

I have a lot more medical stuff to deal besides just a flap. I'm going to have to have at least two extra surgeries before they even do the flap. It's going to be a much longer process than I thought. I'm already exhausted most of the time, because I haven't slept much lately, but I can't take anything most days, because the home health nurse comes. I'm easy to wake up when I don't take anything, but unless I kind of wake up on my own when I take something I'm not the easiest person to wake up. So I just have to deal with it. I'm getting so tired of it though. This month is going to be even more harder to sleep, because I have a lot of doctors appointments.
As I've gotten older I've had to deal with a lot more medical stuff than I ever thought I would have to deal with. Lately I've seen my home health nurse more than I've seen my friends even after we got the new car, which we had to get, because the transmission went out in the van about a month ago. All of this stuff is just making me so exhausted and nervous. Most of the time I don't feel like many of my friends are interested in helping me through it. I know it's probably not true, but from my point of view that's what I see sometimes several times.

My friends have decided to let me rot in this house.

Our transmission went out several weeks ago, and instead of helping me go places that be fun, or even a trip to the grocery store. My friends have decided I'm not important, and have decided, because of the distance I live from most of them they will let me rot in this house of crap. I'm tired of it. It's been since June 28. I don't see an ending to it at all. I would like to go see some of my friends, and hang out with them, but right now I'm so mad at them. I don't want to see any of them. I just want to be able to go to the doctor like I'm suppose to. Maybe take a trip about six miles from house, and go up to wal-mart for a few hours. My friends are useless. They aren't usually useless. Right now I don't care if any of them see it. I'm not wanting money or anything. I just want a damn helping hand to be able to go to the grocery store or to see me for a little while instead of let me sit in my room 24/7 staring a damn computer screen. If they don't watch I could do something that they won't have to think about me about all anymore, which is probably what they are doing now.
Unless our old pastor gets something. I don't see this ending at all. My aunt has changed her mind about going to go look tomorrow with my mom. Unless the pastor helps or a miracle happens like a donated car this will never end. I believe that with everything I have. I'm not very strong right now. All I've done for about two weeks, or close to it is sit watch t.v., be on my computer. I'm tired of all. I'm bored of all.
I can't believe that the situation will change when I enter the hospital in August. Just like last year not many will show up.

My situation at home.

With our family financial situation we are currently in. Even though I'm 29 years old, and do many things I want to if I'm able to. Some days I feel like I live in a dictatorship. People telling me when I can go, and where I can go. My dad thinks with this new situation with our van, and even before then when we told him we were going out to hang out with my friends it was most of the time awful. Now with the van, and we have to get a car loan through the place we getting it, and him having to sign the papers for the loan its worse. He's always had a temper, but its worse now, or at least it seems that way. My mom does it occasionally, but most of the time, or a lot of the time you can reason with her. 

I am about to be down for up to 3-6 months. My friends are the most important people in my life. Yeah my parents are to, but they aren't the ones that can put me in zone of peace. My friends are the people that can do that. I alive today because of the people around keeping me sane. My friends can't always do that, but its a better situation with them. At home I have yelling between my parents about everything from what we do to bills, and being accused of stealing money. Well my dad does that to my mom. My don't have a job, so we can't get out. Right now since we will probably get this new car/van. I wouldn't even try right now anyway. 

I seriously just need to escape maybe not permanently, but at least for some time like maybe 24-48 hours would be perfect, but that's not even happening right now, because of the van situation.  I'm getting tired of all of this crap. I just want to go somewhere not be around it period. Maybe when I'm in the hospital my mom can figure it out, and I won't have to return to a dictatorship. 

What is going on with this world right now.

People can't even have rights in this world without it other people complaining about it. I am a Christian. Yes, I have beliefs. I also believe that everyone should be able to do what they want get married, have kids, get a job, meet people, etc. Although I don't think the government should be able to say anything about marriage. I also agree with the Supreme Court should have made it where everyone should get married. 
I mean each state could say whether or not same- sex couples could get married.  
Most Christians I know are all up in war saying its wrong. God loves everyone. I'm freaking tired people complaining about this world. All that's on my facebook page lately since the various issues have come to light. You can only block so much stuff. Everyone just needs to get a long.

Struggling at home.

Where I live other than being able to see my friends basically when I want, because my will drive me since I don't know my license. UGH!! When I am at home its a real struggle. Either my parents are yelling at each other times, or me and my mom are getting into it. That's basically because she's calling me rude, or something other name. That I'm tired of it. At least my dad will respect that I'm 29 years old. For several years now my mom as NEVER respected that I'm adult. All she says is I live in this house. I.E. with my parents. She doesn't respect anything. I'm getting tired of it.
I'm suppose to have surgery again sometime in August. I'm hoping that once I go in I can make some changes not have to be around them anymore. Downside is I'll won't be able to go see my friends play anymore probably. Although its a VERY BIG price to pay if I can get some change I would really like for something to change. I'm tired of yelling, being yelled at, or hearing yelling. I'm tired of my whole situation.
Some days I wish I was married to my best friend, and not living here.  My friend is a Great Guy. 
I just wish I had a different life lately. I EXTREMELY enjoy going to go see my friends play, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take of any of this. I can't do anything right when it comes to my mom. She's says she can't do anything right either, but on my end either its the same thing. Even if you try to talk to her she'll blow up. She claims my dad does it, and he might also do it, but she doesn't even see that she doesn't it to. They both think they can do no wrong. I'm just stuck in the middle not the best place to be. 
I'm tired of it. I want it to be over. I will lose ALOT, but I will also gain peace, and peace is what I need right now. 

Feeling sad all the time.

On July 23, 2015. I go to the plastic surgeon to discuss my open wound surgery. I'm having a difficult time coming to grips with the idea of staying in one place for multiple weeks. Also the after rehab or bed rest at home.
I'm a very out going person. This is will be a whole new thing for me. My room is pretty small so I don't know if I really want people coming over after get home if I have to do bed rest, but while I'm in the hospital, or if I have to do rehab either at the hospital or at a another location I wouldn't mind visitors there. It's kind of far and at the hospital you have to pay parking, so I feel sad my friends have to pay go visit me.

Right now. I'm just sitting in my room basically a lot or have recently, because of the rain in Texas. Looking at four walls not really what I want to before I will have to do that when I have surgery. 

I'm just not myself right now. I don't know what's happen. It's probably everything I've been through over the last year, and continue to go through. Thankfully no doctors appointments until July. 

Only time I'm really happy is when I'm around my friends.