Medical Stuff

I have a lot more medical stuff to deal besides just a flap. I'm going to have to have at least two extra surgeries before they even do the flap. It's going to be a much longer process than I thought. I'm already exhausted most of the time, because I haven't slept much lately, but I can't take anything most days, because the home health nurse comes. I'm easy to wake up when I don't take anything, but unless I kind of wake up on my own when I take something I'm not the easiest person to wake up. So I just have to deal with it. I'm getting so tired of it though. This month is going to be even more harder to sleep, because I have a lot of doctors appointments.
As I've gotten older I've had to deal with a lot more medical stuff than I ever thought I would have to deal with. Lately I've seen my home health nurse more than I've seen my friends even after we got the new car, which we had to get, because the transmission went out in the van about a month ago. All of this stuff is just making me so exhausted and nervous. Most of the time I don't feel like many of my friends are interested in helping me through it. I know it's probably not true, but from my point of view that's what I see sometimes several times.

My friends have decided to let me rot in this house.

Our transmission went out several weeks ago, and instead of helping me go places that be fun, or even a trip to the grocery store. My friends have decided I'm not important, and have decided, because of the distance I live from most of them they will let me rot in this house of crap. I'm tired of it. It's been since June 28. I don't see an ending to it at all. I would like to go see some of my friends, and hang out with them, but right now I'm so mad at them. I don't want to see any of them. I just want to be able to go to the doctor like I'm suppose to. Maybe take a trip about six miles from house, and go up to wal-mart for a few hours. My friends are useless. They aren't usually useless. Right now I don't care if any of them see it. I'm not wanting money or anything. I just want a damn helping hand to be able to go to the grocery store or to see me for a little while instead of let me sit in my room 24/7 staring a damn computer screen. If they don't watch I could do something that they won't have to think about me about all anymore, which is probably what they are doing now.
Unless our old pastor gets something. I don't see this ending at all. My aunt has changed her mind about going to go look tomorrow with my mom. Unless the pastor helps or a miracle happens like a donated car this will never end. I believe that with everything I have. I'm not very strong right now. All I've done for about two weeks, or close to it is sit watch t.v., be on my computer. I'm tired of all. I'm bored of all.
I can't believe that the situation will change when I enter the hospital in August. Just like last year not many will show up.

My situation at home.

With our family financial situation we are currently in. Even though I'm 29 years old, and do many things I want to if I'm able to. Some days I feel like I live in a dictatorship. People telling me when I can go, and where I can go. My dad thinks with this new situation with our van, and even before then when we told him we were going out to hang out with my friends it was most of the time awful. Now with the van, and we have to get a car loan through the place we getting it, and him having to sign the papers for the loan its worse. He's always had a temper, but its worse now, or at least it seems that way. My mom does it occasionally, but most of the time, or a lot of the time you can reason with her. 

I am about to be down for up to 3-6 months. My friends are the most important people in my life. Yeah my parents are to, but they aren't the ones that can put me in zone of peace. My friends are the people that can do that. I alive today because of the people around keeping me sane. My friends can't always do that, but its a better situation with them. At home I have yelling between my parents about everything from what we do to bills, and being accused of stealing money. Well my dad does that to my mom. My don't have a job, so we can't get out. Right now since we will probably get this new car/van. I wouldn't even try right now anyway. 

I seriously just need to escape maybe not permanently, but at least for some time like maybe 24-48 hours would be perfect, but that's not even happening right now, because of the van situation.  I'm getting tired of all of this crap. I just want to go somewhere not be around it period. Maybe when I'm in the hospital my mom can figure it out, and I won't have to return to a dictatorship. 

What is going on with this world right now.

People can't even have rights in this world without it other people complaining about it. I am a Christian. Yes, I have beliefs. I also believe that everyone should be able to do what they want get married, have kids, get a job, meet people, etc. Although I don't think the government should be able to say anything about marriage. I also agree with the Supreme Court should have made it where everyone should get married. 
I mean each state could say whether or not same- sex couples could get married.  
Most Christians I know are all up in war saying its wrong. God loves everyone. I'm freaking tired people complaining about this world. All that's on my facebook page lately since the various issues have come to light. You can only block so much stuff. Everyone just needs to get a long.